The Renewal and Deepening of Friendships: Thoughts on our 55th Class Reunion

The Frames of our Lives

The Brilliant Wife and I returned to Adams County, Indiana this past weekend to attend the 55th Reunion of the Adams Central High School Class of 1970.

We met our classmates again, like travelers on the road, remembering our old paths together and how they have diverged and, again, converged, sharing the scars and joys we have experienced along our separate ways, not knowing if we will ever meet again, yet grateful to embrace each other at least one more time.

A theme of celebration and joy permeated our gathering, tinged with a hint of melancholy over those no longer with us, all sense of competition and criticism eroded away by the sands of time.

“Yes! We did that! I remember! You and I!”

We were there together back then, poised on the edge of our adult lives, about to leap into the World that lay before us.

We did not realize how protected we had been inside the womb of our community, nor how wide was the world into which we would leap.

Our frame back then was a small one, limited to our school, churches and community, just a microcosm of the county, state, country, continent and world within which we existed.

Then we flew like the Monarch above, to parts unknown, not sure where the winds of fate would take is.

Now our frames have broadened, some wider than others, to encompass a broader vision of our lives and the happy circumstances that brought us back together once more, communing with those who shared and now remember those long ago days of innocence.

Little did we imagine how wide was the world, nor what lay ahead.

I don’t want to write a nostalgia piece. Suffice it to say that we had fun, in spite of the fact that we were in a brutal war at the time in Vietnam. The boys were all subject to the draft (see, What was Your Draft Number?). Some of us were headed to college, others to a job or were looking for a job.

But what I do want to write about are the different “frames” we have throughout our lives and the cognitive science that helps us manage the world by framing. By “framing,” I mean the way our brains process the information in the world.

For example, a young child under the age of five has a very small frame of reference, dominated by his or her mother, including the father and siblings (often framed as competitors for the mother’s love), and perhaps including grandparents or other care givers.

The child’s frame will hopefully expand to include a different and broader vision of the world through school, and perhaps church. Books, radio, and television further expanded our frames, while teachers showed us the wider world of mathematics, science and history.

Some of our classmates were Amish. Their frame was a comfortable one and didn’t change much at all over the years. While there may have been more and different people within that frame, the basic frame of home, farm and church remained the same.

For example, one of our Amish classmates has 206 grandchildren and 120 great grandchildren! That’s a lot to squeeze into one frame! But the frame remains basically the same: family, farm and friends. It’s a safe place in which to live (but imagine that dinner table!)

Some of us had more curiosity than others, or for other reasons quickly broke the frame that existed at graduation and moved away, blown by the winds of fate. Some found a new frame within which to live and never came back. Perhaps there was too much pain in that old picture.

As I mentioned in my last post, Thinking about Thinking: Cognitive Science, the Axial Age and the Role of Religion and Philosophy, I’m continuing to listen to Dr. John Vervaeke’s podcast, Awakening from the Meaning Crisis.

Dr. John Vervaeke describes framing as a dynamic, neurocognitive process of determining and constructing relevance, which serves as the foundation for how we make sense of and act in the world.

Framing is a tool that our brains use constantly. For example, as I type this, my “frame” is ignoring the current political issues of the day, how my back feels (whoops, now I feel the creaks and pains from driving yesterday, time to ‘reframe!’), and a myriad of other details and issues.

There are many things, such as those things that we don’t know, that are impossible to include in our frame. Traveling gives us the chance to expand our frames and include more of the world within that frame. Reading can do the same thing, opening a window on another world, expanding our frame.

It’s impossible for our brains to take in everything at the same time, so our brains have this tool of framing, of focusing.

Imagine you are a caveman. Your frame had better include the possibility of saber-toothed tigers or you and your family may end up a meal. And you need to include within that frame food and shelter. If you are curious, you may expand your frame to include the next valley or river, and by so doing meet friends or foes. But if you don’t expand that frame you may lose the chance to learn of dangers.

On the other hand, if you expand your frame too far, you could be overwhelmed by anxiety.

Religion and philosophy can be part of our framing as well. They help us make sense of what is in the frame and how we respond to the content of the frame. In my last post I wrote about how philosophy and religion are like shoes that we wear. Sometimes we need to try on a different pair. It can be fun or painful.

Another way to think about philosophy and religion is as a part of the frame itself. We all have our own frames, shaped and molded by our need to make sense of the separate worlds in which we live. Philosophy and/or religion help us build a frame to make sense of our worlds, adding meaning to our lives.

Travel, education and reading can all break our frames of reference. While it can be painful to break the old frames, the key is to build a bigger frame that is flexible enough to contain that which was in the old one. Then you can grow, expand, and reach your potential.

Perhaps the need to keep breaking the frames is part of growth and human development, driven by curiosity. I wonder if there is a test for curiosity? It’s what keeps me breaking frames.

Have your frames changed over the years? I’d love to hear what you think.

Thanks for traveling along~!